Melancholy and Addiction!

I like my state of mind these days. I feel like i’m in some kind of limbo, floating around and making shit up with my imagination . It’s pleasantly melancholic.

You know i haven’t had a dream that i can remember for the past couple of years? But these days i’m having such vivid dreams. Scary as they are sometimes but it feels like i’m living an adventurous life in my bed. Running from a psycho murderer or an alien invasion they satisfy a primal need in me. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss going out and having some real adventures. Meet new people, have sex, do things i haven’t done before.

I had an idea for a short novel. I don’t know if it’s good or not but i think it has potential. Not that i can write for shit. I barely can write a blog. But it felt good to use those parts of my brain after so long. I used to dream about being a writer once. I even wrote a few short screenplays and short stories. Nothing good of course. I realized I’m not nearly imaginative enough to be a writer and I made peace with it. But it’s fun to make up a story in your mind and think about the details and make it complete even if it never appears on paper.

I miss doing drugs. I haven’t done anything in that area for the last 9 months, not even a drink. Of course i was never a drinker. I used to smoke excessive amounts of weed and some pills on the side. But i never really got addicted to the stuff to the point of no return but at one point it felt like I need to step away for a while. Now it feels like I should step back in.

The melancholy continues and even though I know it’s not healthy at all I enjoy it. I was never one for living a healthy, happy life anyway.

This last week I realized the thing that I miss most about having a social life is to have a place to go. A cafe or something to hangout. Be the regular costumer and order the usual. I didn’t realize it before. But it’s nice to have somewhere that you don’t have to decide to go to, you just go there without thinking.

Alright , I’m done for today.

P.S. :The fight Club novel by Chuck Palahniuk is awesome. Even better than the movie.
P.P.S : British shows are really good. Skins, Black Mirror, Sherlock, Coupling; All good shows. (I’ve been practicing my British accent. I think I’m half way there.)


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